Some days man, some fucking days are just shitty fucking days.
Worst part is, when you have one of these days, and you aren't terrible upset, nor did anything really all that bad happen to you.
No, these kind of days are worse. These are the kind of days where you really have dick to do with your time, thus you let your mind wonder to places it shouldn't go.
I'll elaborate.
Today i had nothing to do but go to class at 6:30, so I sat around all day and festered on my inadequacies and all of the things that are going on right now that I am not too happy about. I thought about my lack of motivation to engage in any real sort of physical activity, and then i thought about why i should be motivated to engage in physical activity. I got down on myself about how I really have nothing left to look forward to this summer except for the Dark Knight coming out, and the new Staind CD on august 19th.
I'm losing one of my best friends that I've had for the past eight years to a terribly stupid addiction, and no matter how much i scream and yell at him about how much i care, it doesn't get through, and even when I make a mistake and fuel his addiction I'm given no choice but to make him pay for it because of his inability to realize he is destroying himself day by day.
My social life, albeit pretty solid, has some major fucking flaws in it. My two best friends are away, one in Boston, the other in the fucking Dominican. My other two best friends here at home are leaving by the fall, one to China and the other to Delaware. Three out of my four best friends from School are either too busy to celebrate her own 21st, too far to afford to be able to see me, or doesn't have a car, or even a license for that matter, and lives about an hour away. I'm (finally) coupling with girls that I have been crazily enamoured with for years, yet instead of trying to build on these acts, or instead of being upfront and social about my feelings or drive to start something serious, I'm talking to them like I talk to all of the other pieces of waste I've shared a bed with in college.
I'm in the sort of mood where I have no idea what kind of music I want to listen to, it seems the only CD that really brings a smile to my face is a 10 year old New Radicals album that I don't think they even press copies of anymore, oh that's right, even the lead singer thought they were a one hit wonder so he fucking ended the band. Shame, that CD is incredible.
My parents have been gone for a week and a half, and I'm all fucking alone in my house, which was cool for the first few days, but now I really have nothing to do. My mother might get on my ass for the dumbest of shit sometimes, but at least fighting with her was something to do.
I can't talk to my best friends about something that has kept me from having a good night's sleep since last week. As much as I tell people I like it, I think I fucking hate working at the steakhouse, and I miss the comfortably of the Chee. Besides when I write in this stupid thing, the Internet fucking bores me senseless.
This isn't a pity pull, I just want to know what gets you people when you get into one of these moods, what do you think about when you have nothing but time to kill?
I don't need anyone to tell me everything is going to be okay, or that I am a good person. I know I am, and I know my life is great, so if you came here to do that, thanks, but please take it somewhere else. Really.
I'm just having one of those days.
4 comments:
We all have rough days, but days like this happen when we realize we are the reason for being unhappy.
Blaming other people or taking the spotlight off your own problems will not make you feel any better, you gotta clear your mind of excuses and just do what makes you happy. Lifes too short
i agree, life is too short, but only doing what makes us happy is a luxury that not all of us have, although i do like the way you think, and would love to know who you are.
i hope this post wasn't seen as me blaming other people, i myself am the main reason for most of me being upset, but there are many a things that the people i have chosen to surround myself with have done to add to that
haha think about it...you know who this is, which one of your friends is willing to tell you like it is and argue with you without letting it go beyond what is said.
You can only blame yourself for your faults, your friends might have an input but don't ever let that bring you down
Ultimately you are responsible for your happiness...it's like a smoker trying to quit, You can tell yourself you are going to quit, and still smoke a pack a day...or you can committ yourself to quiting and take steps to do it. It's the same thing with being happy, you can tell yourself you are happy, and wind up having days like this or you can say fuck it, and committ yourself to the things you think will make you happy, (whether it be losing weight or seeing your friends more, etc) It's not a luxury, we all don't have a billion dollars to do everything we want, but (cliche alert) money doesn't buy happiness, thats an excuse and you know it.
And from someone who was in the middle of one of your problems, you are going about it the wrong way, your stated intentions may be good, but the way you act contradicts itself.
Lets see if you figured out who this is
lol, to be serious man, i have no clue, i'm sitting here trying to think, and i just can't figure it out. I won't be mad, just tell me who you are.
I don't know which problem you are speaking about, so i don't know how I'm contradicting mysself, so i won't speak to that until it's figured.
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