Solar Flare

As the last day of Summer has shined it's last ray of light, I'm sitting instead of working at a half empty steakhouse thinking of the ups and downs this summer has afforded me.

I learned a lot about perseverance this summer, about how to put aside the snickers and sneers from others and continue to press on to achieve goals. I learned to not strive for excellence from myself, but to expect it. I graduated college this summer, I received a diploma (a shitty fucking diploma btw, but more on that later) that signifies my education, but I left behind a place and a people that made me feel important beyond unbelievable imaginations. I learned that sometimes being single is the goddamn only way to be, by witnessing the terrible things relationships do to the people around me (My brother, my former boss) I learn that sometimes sleeping with best friends cannot be casual, no matter how much you try to convince yourself it meant nothing.

I started a new job, well, really same job different menu. I had the worst night I have ever had as a server at this new job, but I also realized how being consistently funny and charming might be the greatest currency a man can possess. My new job also showed me how sticking with something even when it seems pointless and terrible sometimes pays off.

I spent more time alone in my home this summer than any other four month stretch I can remember, thus leading to even more introspection, I've spent more nights up crying, worrying, and/or making my heart race with the anticpation and excitment I have for my future in entertainment than I did actually getting good rest.

This summer gave us one of the best performances by an actor ever (Heath), it exposed a new DJ for all of us to get boners over (Girl Talk) (and yes I know he's been doing this shit for years) The summer gave me a new found respect for a band I didn't think could get any better, but did with their new album (Staind) We also found out what happens when a band tries to hard (Coldplay) This summer showed us that this November is going to be the most dirty, rotten election in years, and damn if that doesn't get me excited :)

I put my dog down this summer, My two best friends were hundreds of miles away from me for 95 percent of the summer, I lost a few friends that live within a mile, and no matter how many friends you lose, and trust me, I've lost plenty, each one still hurts. My parents and family were on vacations without me three times this summer, and I took a few of my own without them as well, and yes, visiting Rider last week counts as one.

I could sit here and list a million other monumental things, like discovering that beer should NEVER look yellow ever, and it can be drank with class (Sorry Mom), but like dreams and sex stories, it's all boring if you aren't involved. I look ahead to the fall and I see myself inching slowly closer to next step. I see myself losing one of my most unconventional best friends to the Marines, another to a "real" job, and even more to grad school and such.

Summer is over. Fall is here.

I get up from my perch near the service bar and I start to clean off table 18, the old couple that ate there previously left little mess, so I don't even bother to wait for the bus boy to clean it off. I think about how just three months ago I was scarred shitless of the new restaurant I was working at, and how I was never comfortable or happy there. Now I have some of the best shifts in the house, and I feel that not only do I sometimes have fun at work, people enjoy working with me as well.

Sometimes it only takes a summer for things to figure themselves out.

Welcome to the Rock

Death is a scary thing.

We all think about death from time to time, well at least I know it crosses my mind. Whether it be after we have a near miss car accident on a highway, if it's right before we get on a roller coaster that is creaking a little too much for our liking, or even right as we are taking off in an airplane going on vacation or what not. Death is the elephant in the room for everyone, young or old.

It's how we deal with Death that defines who we are. Some of us sit around writing the tragedies of our lives while ignoring how to live them. Some of us take every opportunity to cheat death, whether it be sky diving, mountain climbing, those crazies on Jackass sticking leeches up their asses. There are even those that take life for granted, almost accepting death as some sort of reward, it could be those that overdose, those that drink and drive when utterly wasted, or those that drink themselves asleep forever.

Today we are putting our family's dog, Rocky, to sleep. I'd be lying if I said I was overly upset, ever since Rocky ate my 1996 All-star baseball cap signed by LL Cool J we've been on bad terms, but I'd also be lying if I said I wasn't going to feel anguish after we put him down. It's a strange things pets do to us really. Pets, especially dogs, are the biggest pain in the ass purchases you can make. They take months if not years to train, you have to feed them at least twice a day, clean up after their shit, hair, mess, etc. Outside of a child, pets are the neediest things you can buy. Yet, my home is going to feel like it is missing something in Rocky's absence.

My brother, the one whose whore ex recently left him, considered Rocky as another brother. As weird as it was, he'd talk to the dog, or just pet him, the reassurance that no matter what, Rocky needed my brother's affection, he relied on my brother, and that made my brother feel more complete. I cannot imagine what his loss will do to my brother, how my brother deals with this will really shine a light on who he really is, and I'd by lying if I said I wasn't a little curious to see how he deals.

I'm willing to bet that you won't be able to walk into this house and notice something incomplete about it the next few days. I'm sure there will be some snappiness around the house, a few teary eyes, but over the next few weeks we will move on, and it will all be back to normal. Rocky won't be around here anymore, but he will have left us with a lot memories.

I think that's the true test of how one deals with death. How he or she deals with the dead loved one's memories. Do you remember all the great times and all the fun things the person left you, or do you just remember how you felt the day they left the world?

Because really aren't memories the only things anyone can leave for us? Sure, they can leave jewelry and pictures, but those pictures are really empty without the memories that back them.